I have been reading som e of the posts about Madonna and the baby she is in the process of "adopting." I’ll be honest, I personally think she bought that baby….much like one buys an outfit….I think many famous do this……but anyway.
Many people have gone on to say "Look at all Madonna can give her."
I my job as a foster care/adoption specialist, we are rightfully not allowed to consider if the foster home, or another home is "better" because 7 out of ten times it is…..it is can the biological parent provide a safe and suitable life for the child.
I’ve been thinking about this, my husband and I are both college educated people, we were in our 30s when we had children, we live in a lovely suburb..I’m primarily home with our children….our income is most likely considered medium to upper, we have great health insurance and an awesome family on both sides…..
That said, there are families who could provide more and better than we can…..so if the criteria is more money is better…should we lose our children….seriously, most of us on this board know people who have better resources and could most likely provide more material things than we can for our kids no matter how good we have it.
This is not a rant, so please don’t report and move on….seriously…is more money better? What equals being rich enough that you deserve your kids?
In my position, I had to take a class entitled neglect vs poverty, another was culture values and ethnocentrism. I think many many Americans think living here is better than living anywhere else (I’m not talking about having pride in our country…I’m talking about thinking that our way best for everyone and valuing our way of life above other cultures…to the point that we’re willing to commit cultural genocide and devalue other cultures.
I’m not a biological family is always best, because I’ve seen millions of cases where it wasn’t. I’m not anti-adoption…I have no agenda here.
I’m professionally curious….what are the thoughts out there?
Not sure that I live in an Ivory Tower, but I’ll let it go as I don’t want to lose this dialog due to chatting. I know I am blessed beyond measure for all that I have…..but some of what I have is due to hard work and good choices on my part too…..but I am blessed and I’m grateful for it every day.
There are people with a lot more than I have though….are they better parents for it?
The legal question I must always answer on all adoption home studies is can the family live within their means…are they making the bills….not do they live in $500,000 homes, but is the home they have being paid for and is it clean and a nice place to live…can it fit the amount of people they have living in it?
Well since they cut my husband’s hours and we had another baby are income is now considered poverty level. Does that mean we are poor and broke? Well no it doesn’t I save our money that we get from our income tax refunds and money family sends me for christmas and birthdays. Do I know how to stick to a budget, while yes I do. Are my kids fed, while yes they are, are they bathed, while yes, do they live in a middle class surrounding, while yes again. Do they have toy I say yes 100s way to many do they have clothes yes do they each have their own bed to sleep in while yes.
Should I relinquish them because the government says my income is poverty level? No, I shouldn’t because we are good parents that care about our kids.
I been told I should be an account because I am great with numbers. My bills are paid and my house is stocked with food, clothes, toys, and love.
People chose to live poorly. If you are poor you can still keep a clean house. If you have a job you can keep your bills paid. Stop buying unnessary things and buy only the things you need. Living, learning, and loving the life I have.
no i do not think money is better. just because money can buy children material things that they want, money can’t buy you love. and i agree with you, Madonna, and all the other celebrities bought those babies, they didn’t adopt them.
look at angelina and brad, there is no way that those two actually take care of all the children they have. they keep "adopting" more children and having more children 1, because they can, and 2, they can hire people to "help" them or do all of the work.
if we can support our family, love our family on a middle class income and still be able to spoil i don’t see any problem with that, we don’t need all the money in the world to make our family happy.
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If Madonna truely cared about the plight of these children in third world countries, it would be far better to invest money into infastructure so that ALL children could benefit…but instead she choose to pick one…
Its about keeping her in the limelight.
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Madonna’s adoption of Mercy is colonization at its finest… Britsh woman storms into The Heart of Darkness and buys herself an African child. Buys the child against the family’s wishes. In America when a child is taken against their family’s will it’s called kidnapping, at best this is a case of baby buying.
Unfortunately it seems that the "American Dream" concept has completely warped people’s brains. More money does not equal a better life. I mean I wouldn’t want a 50 year old single slutty pop singer to adopt me…
Think of how far the money she spent could have gone to help Mercy stay with her family and get an education in her country. 19 million dollars could have helped a whole lot of Malawian children. But once again it’s not about the best interest of the child…it’s all about what Madge wants, and she obviously stopped at nothing to get it. How can she sleep at night?
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adult adoptee
More money of course doesn’t equal a better home, and I am no way under the impression that our way is the only or best way. You are absolutely right though, she bought and paid for that child. The simple fact is that there are places in this world where people, children, can still be bought and sold. It’s ugly, and hard and just one point of difference between our cultures and societies. Lucky enough America isn’t one of those places and the adoption of a child in our country is not based on how much a family can pay for a child. That is why they go over sea’s. The truth of the matter is Madonna would have to go to a place like Malawi to get a child, her age and single parent status would disqualify her in most other countries. Bottom line, is this girl better off, in some ways yes and in some ways no.
** I have to wonder at the lack of finger pointing at a government of Malawi who is willing to sell it’s children. She may have thrown the money, but they took it. What does that say about their culture, it’s obviously not just Americans obsessed with money here folks. They themselves are not too concerned about little Mercy and her culture, they are the greedy sacks of you know what who make discusting transactions like this possible. "oh but they are poor, they can’t help themselves" Hate to break it to ya but that governement is one of the most corrupt in the world, as are many African countries. They prolonged giving her the child, they were holding out for more money Why does Madonna think she can buy a child? BECAUSE THEY SOLD HER ONE!!! Oh wait that’s right, they sold her two.
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I’m still trying to figure out how she made it past being a one hit wonder. Life is about more than money, and from what I can see, money is all she has to offer. Her public persona doesn’t exactly scream, "fit parent."
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White priviledge in the US is all about cultural genocide. In the quest of a womb fresh infant, AA infants are being ripped from their culture because the "waiting list is shorter if white families are open to AA".
Yes, we in the US feel that we are entitled to violate the rights of ethnic minorities "to the point that we’re willing to commit cultural genocide and devalue other cultures". $hit – we do that to AA and Hispanic cultures right here in our own country. Why not practice disembabyment in cultures overseas?
Is money better? He!! yes. It works here in the US. Why shouldn’t work overseas as well?
Well, lucky you. Your income is middle to upper and you are in your 30′s. Try going to an OB/GYN practice and a hospital in the US as a lower income, late teen mother (married or not – it doesn’t matter) and being solicited every step of the way for your healthy white infant. You want to hear about "money talks"? Just try doing that and hear money talk loud and clear.
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I wish I lived in an ivory tower.
Well since they cut my husband’s hours and we had another baby are income is now considered poverty level. Does that mean we are poor and broke? Well no it doesn’t I save our money that we get from our income tax refunds and money family sends me for christmas and birthdays. Do I know how to stick to a budget, while yes I do. Are my kids fed, while yes they are, are they bathed, while yes, do they live in a middle class surrounding, while yes again. Do they have toy I say yes 100s way to many do they have clothes yes do they each have their own bed to sleep in while yes.
Should I relinquish them because the government says my income is poverty level? No, I shouldn’t because we are good parents that care about our kids.
I been told I should be an account because I am great with numbers. My bills are paid and my house is stocked with food, clothes, toys, and love.
People chose to live poorly. If you are poor you can still keep a clean house. If you have a job you can keep your bills paid. Stop buying unnessary things and buy only the things you need. Living, learning, and loving the life I have.
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Those that have adopted international children will defend or play down Madonna’s baby buying fiasco out of fear that they too will be figured out.
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There is no justifying or defending what she did…..Again.
They sold her the child, right, so what does that make them? You can’t buy something that’s not for sale guys, seriously, what if it was someone who didn’t have good intentions. I think the international community needs to look into this place and find out who else they sell babies to. I don’t have a lot of money, in fact I fall right into the "poor" demographic. But we get by, we go without. But let me tell you I don’t care how much money was waved in my face I would NEVER sell my child, no matter who was trying to buy. This little girl is stuck between a rock and a hard place. I think the world need to leave her alone, I mean really does she really need to grow up with this thrown in her face, she is a human you know she has feelings.
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A close friend of mine fostered her neice (her sister’s daughter) for a couple years. A few months ago, the state (Washington) started the adoption process for her. They chose the OTHER sister…the one who never once stepped up to foster this girl when she needed a home. Why? She has more money. She treats this girl like a second class citizen, and my friend’s daughters witnessed her physically abusing their cousin (ONLY the girl, not her own children, who were treated with kid gloves after doing the exact same thing the little girl did)…
Apparently, it’s not just entitled PAP’s (and their supporters) who think money equals a good home.
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What does Madonna do when it is 3 am and one of her kids (biological or adopted) have a fever of 103? What does she do when it is the 3rd or 4th night a child (or several children) are sick and she has had no sleep?
Does she get up with them and alternate Tylenol and Motrin every 3 hours? Does she sit up worrying when/if they should go to the ER while she rocks them with their fevered head against her breast?
Does she sit in the floor and play Barbie, ot Match Box cars? Does she drink from little cups along side a teddy bear and baby doll when her little ones want a tea party? Has she ever worn a macaroni necklace her child made? Has she read the same book 100 times, never skipping a page (because they will know if you skip)?
Or does she have nannies and nurses that do all of that?
To me that is the true test of being a good parent. Kids forget designer clothes and the latest gadgets and toys. They remember the time you played Candy Land all afternoon and they won every time. They remember making homemade pizza (with peperoni in the shape of a smiley face); not the fancy restaurants.
SO I think in time only the kids Madonna is raising (bio and adopted) will be able to tell her what kind of parent she was (or wasn’t)
ETA Oh and yeah I think she bought that child…both of them actually. One has to wonder why? Publicity much?
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life as a mom (both bio and adoptive)